Resentment Removed From My Heart

 

The Love of God

By Elder Benjamin M. Z. Tai

Of the Seventy

President Russell M. Nelson has invited us to “remove, with the Savior’s help, the old debris in our lives” and to “lay aside bitterness.” He has encouraged us to “bolster our spiritual foundations” through “centering our lives on [the Savior] and on the ordinances and covenants of His temple.” He promised that “as we keep our temple covenants, we gain greater access to the Lord’s strengthening power. … We experience the pure love of Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father in great abundance!”

I have a friend who was blessed with a beautiful family and a promising career. This changed when an illness left him unable to work, which was followed by a divorce. The years since have been difficult, but his love for his children and the covenants he has made with God have sustained him. One day he learned that his former spouse had remarried and had requested a cancellation of their temple sealing. He was troubled and confused. He sought peace and understanding in the house of the Lord. The day after his visit, I received the following message from him:

“I had an amazing experience in the temple last night. I think it was obvious that I still held quite a bit of resentment. … I knew that I must change, and I have been praying all week to do so. … Last night in the temple I literally felt the Spirit remove the resentment from my heart. … It was such a relief to be freed from it. … An ominous physical burden bearing down on me has been lifted.”

Contention is Spiritually Unhealthy for Us

 

The Peace of Christ Abolishes Enmity

By Elder Dale G. Renlund

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Yet, in some instances, the spiritual stress test has shown tendencies toward contention and divisiveness. This suggests that we have work to do to change our hearts and to become unified as the Savior’s true disciples. This is not a new challenge, but it is a critical one....

His latter-day work is compromised when contention or enmity⁹ exists among His disciples.¹⁰ Second, contention is spiritually unhealthy for us as individuals. We are robbed of peace, joy, and rest, and our ability to feel the Spirit is compromised....

If I am quick to take offense or respond to differences of opinion by becoming angry or judgmental, I “fail” the spiritual stress test. This failed test does not mean that I am hopeless. Rather, it points out that I need to change. And that is good to know.

After the Savior’s visit to the Americas, the people were unified; “there was no contention in all the land.”¹² Do you think that the people were unified because they were all the same, or because they had no differences of opinion? I doubt it. Instead, contention and enmity disappeared because they placed their discipleship of the Savior above all else. Their differences paled in comparison to their shared love of the Savior, and they were united as “heirs to the kingdom of God.”¹³ The result was that “there could not be a happier people … who had been created by the hand of God.”¹⁴

Unity requires effort.¹⁵ It develops when we cultivate the love of God in our hearts¹⁶ and we focus on our eternal destiny.¹⁷ We are united by our common, primary identity as children of God¹⁸ and our commitment to the truths of the restored gospel. In turn, our love of God and our discipleship of Jesus Christ generate genuine concern for others. We value the kaleidoscope of others’ characteristics, perspectives, and talents.¹⁹ If we are unable to place our discipleship to Jesus Christ above personal interests and viewpoints, we should reexamine our priorities and change.

We might be inclined to say, “Of course we can have unity—if only you would agree with me!” A better approach is to ask, “What can I do to foster unity? How can I respond to help this person draw closer to Christ? What can I do to lessen contention and to build a compassionate and caring Church community?”

When love of Christ envelops our lives,²⁰ we approach disagreements with meekness, patience, and kindness.²¹ We worry less about our own sensitivities and more about our neighbor’s. We “seek to moderate and unify.”²² We do not engage in “doubtful disputations,” judge those with whom we disagree, or try to cause them to stumble.²³ Instead, we assume that those with whom we disagree are doing the best they can with the life experiences they have.

Bridle Your Passions: Anger and Lust

 

Be True to God and His Work

By Elder Quentin L. Cook

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Bridle is an interesting word. When we ride a horse, we use the bridle to guide it. A good synonym might be to direct, control, or restrain. The Old Testament tells us we shouted for joy when we learned we would have physical bodies.¹³ The body is not evil—it is beautiful and essential—but some passions, if not used properly and appropriately bridled, can separate us from God and His work and adversely impact our testimony.

Let’s talk about two passions in particular—first, anger, and second, lust.¹⁴ It is interesting that both left unbridled or uncontrolled can cause great heartache, diminish the influence of the Spirit, and separate us from God and His work. The adversary takes every opportunity to fill our lives with images of violence and immorality....

President Nelson strongly emphasized this yesterday morning.¹⁷ Please make up your mind that regardless of whether your parents did or did not abuse you, you will not physically or verbally or emotionally abuse your spouse or children.

In our day one of the most significant challenges is contention and verbal abuse related to societal issues. In many cases anger and abusive language have replaced reason, discussion, and civility. Many have abandoned the admonition of the Savior’s senior Apostle, Peter, to seek Christlike qualities such as temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and charity.¹⁸ They have also abandoned the Christlike quality of humility.

No One Can MAKE Us Offended or Angry - we choose to

 Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation.”

David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” 90.

And Nothing Shall Offend Them

October 2006 general conference

Now is the Time to Bury Your Weapons of War

 President Russell M. Nelson taught: “If you are serious about helping to gather Israel and about building relationships that will last throughout the eternities, now is the time to lay aside bitterness. Now is the time to cease insisting that it is your way or no way. Now is the time to stop doing things that make others walk on eggshells for fear of upsetting you. Now is the time to bury your weapons of war. If your verbal arsenal is filled with insults and accusations, now is the time to put them away. You will arise as a spiritually strong man or woman of Christ.”

Conflict is Inevitable; Contention is a Choice

 

Five Messages That All of God’s Children Need to Hear

DIETER F. UCHTDORF

of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

August 17, 2021

Conflict is inevitable. It is a condition of mortality. It is part of our test. Contention, however, is a choice. It is one way that some people choose to respond to conflict.

When we contend with others, we cause discord, dissension, resentment, and even rage. Harmful emotions almost always accompany contention: anger, hurt, jealousy, hostility, revenge, and malice—to name just a few.

Our world overflows with contention. We have 24/7 access to it: on the news, on social media, and even, at times, in our relationships with those we love.

We cannot adjust the volume on others’ bitter­ness, wrath, or rage. We can, however, choose our response. We can choose a better way—the Lord’s way! Of course this is easy to say and ­difficult to do....

As you partake of the sacrament, you remember the covenant you made at baptism to take the Savior’s name upon yourself and to walk in the path of discipleship. You approach the mercy seat of God and, in humility, lay your sins before Him as an offering of sacrifice and plead for His mercy. You recommit to loving and serving Him and to loving and serving others. You ask for His blessing as you dedicate your thoughts and actions to His service.

My dear brothers and sisters, you will feel the hand of God stretching out over you. The God of the universe will infuse you with the strength and motivation to do better. There will be mistakes and stumbles in the future. But just as each sunrise signals the beginning of a new day, each time we repent, we make a fresh start on our path of discipleship. We can begin again. Over and over, day after day, we can begin again.

My brothers and sisters, my testimony to you is that God yearns for you to come to Him. His mercy is sufficient to heal your wounds, inspire you to move forward, cleanse you of sin, strengthen you for trials to come, and bless you with hope, wisdom, and His peace.

#aang

Do Not Contend with Anger

 

Love Your Enemies

By President Dallin H. Oaks

First Counselor in the First Presidency

In a democratic government we will always have differences over proposed candidates and policies. However, as followers of Christ we must forgo the anger and hatred with which political choices are debated or denounced in many settings...

So, we are to follow the laws of men (render unto Caesar) to live peacefully under civil authority, and we follow the laws of God toward our eternal destination. But how do we do this—especially how do we learn to love our adversaries and our enemies?

The Savior’s teaching not to “contend with anger” is a good first step. The devil is the father of contention, and it is he who tempts men to contend with anger. He promotes enmity and hateful relationships among individuals and within groups. President Thomas S. Monson taught that anger is “Satan’s tool,” for “to be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice.”⁵ Anger is the way to division and enmity. We move toward loving our adversaries when we avoid anger and hostility toward those with whom we disagree. It also helps if we are even willing to learn from them.

Don't be the "natural" parent

Ten Ideas for Mastering Strong Emotions at Home

By David Schramm, PhD

Assistant Professor of Human Development and Family Studies, Utah State University

1. Beware the natural parent.

Our bodies were designed to experience all kinds of emotions, including anger, confusion, frustration, and exasperation. A “natural” parent gives in to these impulses and lashes out. This natural parent—much like the natural man—is an enemy to his or her children and spouse, “unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural [impulses] and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love” (Mosiah 3:19).

In short, when we replace our unbridled, natural emotions with compassion and Christlike love, we become more like the Savior and thus better equipped to help our children manage their own emotions...

Feelings must be validated before behavior can be improved....

7. See things from your child’s perspective.

When we honestly try to see things from our children’s perspective, we will be reminded that we were children once—we made messes and were disrespectful. We can remind ourselves that all humans, including children, do things for reasons that make sense to them. And when we slip and say or do things we regret, we can be quick to apologize to others, including to our spouse and children.

Cast Out Negative Feelings

President Faust taught: "The Savior has offered to all of us a precious peace through His Atonement, but this can come only as we are willing to cast out negative feelings of anger, spite, or revenge."

James E. Faust, "Forgiveness," 69.

#aang

Men and Bad Tempers

"Many men will  say they have a violent temper, and try to excuse themselves for actions of which they are ashamed. I will say, there is not a man in this house who has a more indomitable and unyielding temper than myself. But there is not a man in the world who cannot over come his passion, if he will struggle earnestly to do so. If you find passion coming on you, go off to some place where you cannot be heard; let none of your family see you or hear you, while it is upon you, but struggle till it leaves you; and pray for strength to overcome. (DBY, 267).

What to do When Someone Ticks You Off

"When my feelings are aroused to anger by the ill-doings of others, I hold them as I would hold a wild horse and I gain the victory. Some think and say that it makes them feel better when they are mad, as they call it, to give vent to their madness in abusive and unbecoming language. This, however is a mistake. Instead of its making you feel better, it is making bad worse. When you think and say it makes you better you give credit to a falsehood. When the wrath and bitterness of the human heart are molded into words and hurled with violence at one another, without any check or hindrance, the fire has no sooner expended itself than it is again re-kindled through some trifling course, until the course of nature is set on fire (DBY, 266). 

Don't Feed Your Anger

14 Ways to Get Your Emotional Health Back on Track

By Heather J. Johnson

1. Don’t feed your anger.People are more likely to feel angry when they choose to see others as (1) threatening, (2) unfair, or (3) disrespectful. Instead, see if you can think of a more charitable explanation for their behavior. For example, perhaps they are tired, uninformed, insecure, or think they are being helpful. Make the choice not to fuel anger.
2. Resist the tendency to blame or shame others or yourself. Instead, figure out what the problem is and ask the other person for help in fixing it, regardless of whose fault it is.
3. Listen to the Spirit, not negativity. If you are having thoughts that are belittling, mocking, angry, sarcastic, murmuring, critical, or name-calling, they are not from the Lord. Shut them out. Sing a hymn, recite a scripture, or say a prayer to invite the Spirit back.

#aang

The Lord's Way

“There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment. . . . We must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” Ensign, May 2012, 76-77. 

Strength Beyond Our Own

“Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have the power and the desire to help us overcome our feelings of grief, despair, inadequacy, discouragement, pain, and temptation. They constantly offer us comfort, peace, hope, love, and strength. They can heal our feelings of fear, distrust, anger, self-doubt, sorrow, discouragement, and inadequacy. They can be the best resource we have to help us get through difficult days and trying times. If we but come unto Christ, He will lead us to the Father and a fullness of joy in Their presence.”

Carolyn J. Rasmus, “The Enabling Power of the Atonement,” Ensign, Mar 2013, 21. 

The Prince's Dog

“There is an old Welsh story from the 13th century about a prince who returned home to find his dog with blood dripping down its face. The man rushed inside and, to his horror, saw that his baby boy was missing and his cradle overturned. In anger the prince pulled out his sword and killed his dog. Shortly thereafter, he heard the cry of his son—the babe was alive! By the infant’s side lay a dead wolf. The dog had, in reality, defended the prince’s baby from a murderous wolf.

“Though this story is dramatic, it demonstrates a point. It opens the possibility that they story we tell ourselves about why others behave a certain way does not always agree with the facts—sometimes we don’t even want to know the facts. We would rather feel self-justified in our anger by holding onto our bitterness and resentment. Sometimes these grudges can last months or years. Sometimes they can last a lifetime.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “One Key To A Happy Family,” Ensign, Oct 2012, 5. 

Condemning Others' Actions

 “There are many degrees of offense. There are many degrees of hurt. But what I have noticed is that often we justify our anger and satisfy our consciences by telling ourselves stories about the motives of others that condemn their actions as unforgivable and egoistic while, at the same time, lifting our own motives as pure and innocent.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “One Key to A Happy Family,” Ensign, Oct 2012, 5. 

Disagreement

 “There are some who feel that venting their personal anger of deeply held opinions is more important than conducting themselves as Jesus Christ lived and taught. . . . How we disagree is a real measure of who we are and whether we truly follow the Savior. It is appropriate to disagree, but it is not appropriate to disagreeable. . . . If we show love and respect even in adverse circumstances, we become more like Christ.”

Quentin L. Cook, “We Follow Jesus Christ,” Ensign, May 2010, 84-85.

A Soft Answer Turneth Away Wrath

“It is in the home that our behavior is most significant. It is the place where our actions have the greatest impact, for good or ill. Sometimes we are so much ‘at home’ that we no longer guard our words. We forget simple civility. If we are not on guard, we can fall into the habit of criticizing one another, losing our tempers, or behaving selfishly. Because they love us, our spouses and children may be quick to forgive, but they often carry away in silence unseen injuries and unspoken heartache. . . .

“When we feel anger or contention in our homes, we should immediately recognize what power has taken control of our lives and what Satan is endeavoring to accomplish. Solomon provided us this wise formula: ‘A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger’ (Prov. 15:1).

“Our home should ideally be a refuge where each member feels safe, secure, loved, and insulated from harsh criticism and contention that we so often encounter in the world.”

Wayne S. Peterson, “Our Actions Determine Our Character,” Ensign, Nov. 2001, 84.