Forgo Contention

 

Following Christ

By President Dallin H. Oaks

First Counselor in the First Presidency

What should followers of Christ teach and do in this time of toxic communications? What were His teachings and examples?

It is significant that among the first principles Jesus taught when He appeared to the Nephites was to avoid contention. While He taught this in the context of disputes over religious doctrine, the reasons He gave clearly apply to communications and relationships in politics, public policy, and family relationships....

Peacemakers! How it would change personal relationships if followers of Christ would forgo harsh and hurtful words in all their communications....

Potential adversaries should begin their discussions by identifying common ground on which all agree....

As followers of Christ, we teach and testify of Jesus Christ, our Perfect Role Model. So let us follow Him by forgoing contention. As we pursue our preferred policies in public actions, let us qualify for His blessings by using the language and methods of peacemakers. In our families and other personal relationships, let us avoid what is harsh and hateful. Let us seek to be holy, like our Savior,

Our Meek Willingness

The Triumph of Hope

By Elder Neil L. Andersen

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Hope is a living gift, a gift that grows as we

In times of difficulty, we choose to trust the Lord in faith. We quietly pray, “Not my will but thine be done.” We feel the Lord’s approval for our meek willingness, and we await the promised peace the Lord will send in His chosen timing.

What is the Primary Object of Your Attention?

 

More Than a Hero

By Bishop W. Christopher Waddell

First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric

For us on our journey back to the presence of God, to our promised land, it’s not the politician, the musician, the athlete, or the vlogger that is the issue but, rather, choosing to allow them to become the primary objects of our attention and focus in place of our Savior and Redeemer.

We choose Him, Jesus Christ, when we choose to honor His day whether we’re at home or traveling on vacation. We choose Him when we choose His words through the scriptures and the teachings of living prophets. We choose Him when we choose to hold a temple recommend and live worthy of its use. We choose Him when we are peacemakers and refuse to be contentious, “especially when we have differences of opinion.”

Knit Hearts Together Regardless of Differences

 

Brothers and Sisters in Christ

By Elder Ulisses Soares

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

As disciples of Christ, we are invited to increase our faith in, and love for, our spiritual brother- and sisterhood by genuinely knitting our hearts together in unity and love, regardless of our differences, thereby increasing our ability to promote respect for the dignity of all the sons and daughters of God....

Considering the sacred bond that unifies us with God as His children, this prophetic direction given by President Nelson is undoubtedly a fundamental step toward building bridges of understanding rather than creating walls of prejudice and segregation among us.¹¹ However, as Paul warned the Ephesians, we must recognize that in order to achieve this purpose, it will be required to make an individual and collective effort to act with lowliness, meekness, and long-suffering toward one another....

My dear friends, I can assure you that the light of a new day shines brighter in our lives when we see and treat our fellow beings with respect and dignity and as true brothers and sisters in Christ....

[attitudes of contempt, indifference, disrespect, and even prejudice] Such attitudes have their roots in pride, arrogance, envy, and jealousy, characteristics of a carnal nature,²² which are totally contrary to Christlike attributes. This conduct is improper for those who are striving to become His true disciples....

We are invited to walk together, peaceably, with our hearts filled with love toward God and all men—or, as Abraham Lincoln noted, “with malice toward none; with charity for all.”

True Disciples are Peacemakers

 

Peacemakers Needed

By President Russell M. Nelson

President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

During my surgical internship many years ago, I assisted a surgeon who was amputating a leg filled with highly infectious gangrene. The operation was difficult. Then, to add to the tension, one of the team performed a task poorly, and the surgeon erupted in anger. In the middle of his tantrum, he threw his scalpel loaded with germs. It landed in my forearm!

Everyone in the operating room—except the out-of-control surgeon—was horrified by this dangerous breach of surgical practice. Gratefully, I did not become infected. But this experience left a lasting impression on me. In that very hour, I promised myself that whatever happened in my operating room, I would never lose control of my emotions. I also vowed that day never to throw anything in anger—whether it be scalpels or words.

Even now, decades later, I find myself wondering if the contaminated scalpel that landed in my arm was any more toxic than the venomous contention that infects our civic dialogue and too many personal relationships today. Civility and decency seem to have disappeared during this era of polarization and passionate disagreements.

Vulgarity, faultfinding, and evil speaking of others are all too common. Too many pundits, politicians, entertainers, and other influencers throw insults constantly. I am greatly concerned that so many people seem to believe that it is completely acceptable to condemn, malign, and vilify anyone who does not agree with them. Many seem eager to damage another’s reputation with pathetic and pithy barbs!

Anger never persuades. Hostility builds no one. Contention never leads to inspired solutions. Regrettably, we sometimes see contentious behavior even within our own ranks. We hear of those who belittle their spouses and children, of those who use angry outbursts to control others, and of those who punish family members with the “silent treatment.” We hear of youth and children who bully and of employees who defame their colleagues.

My dear brothers and sisters, this should not be. As disciples of Jesus Christ, we are to be examples of how to interact with others—especially when we have differences of opinion. One of the easiest ways to identify a true follower of Jesus Christ is how compassionately that person treats other people....

The Savior’s message is clear: His true disciples build, lift, encourage, persuade, and inspire—no matter how difficult the situation. True disciples of Jesus Christ are peacemakers.⁶

Today is Palm Sunday. We are preparing to commemorate the most important and transcendent event ever recorded on earth, which is the Atonement and Resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. One of the best ways we can honor the Savior is to become a peacemaker.⁷

The Savior’s Atonement made it possible for us to overcome all evil—including contention. Make no mistake about it: contention is evil! Jesus Christ declared that those who have “the spirit of contention” are not of Him but are “of the devil, who is the father of contention, and [the devil] stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.”⁸ Those who foster contention are taking a page out of Satan’s playbook, whether they realize it or not. “No man can serve two masters.”⁹ We cannot support Satan with our verbal assaults and then think that we can still serve God.

My dear brothers and sisters, how we treat each other really matters! How we speak to and about others at home, at church, at work, and online really matters. Today, I am asking us to interact with others in a higher, holier way. Please listen carefully. “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy”¹⁰ that we can say about another person—whether to his face or behind her back—that should be our standard of communication.

If a couple in your ward gets divorced, or a young missionary returns home early, or a teenager doubts his testimony, they do not need your judgment. They need to experience the pure love of Jesus Christ reflected in your words and actions.

If a friend on social media has strong political or social views that violate everything you believe in, an angry, cutting retort by you will not help. Building bridges of understanding will require much more of you, but that is exactly what your friend needs.

Contention drives away the Spirit—every time. Contention reinforces the false notion that confrontation is the way to resolve differences; but it never is. Contention is a choice. Peacemaking is a choice. You have your agency to choose contention or reconciliation. I urge you to choose to be a peacemaker, now and always.¹¹

Brothers and sisters, we can literally change the world—one person and one interaction at a time. How? By modeling how to manage honest differences of opinion with mutual respect and dignified dialogue....

Charity is the antidote to contention. Charity is the spiritual gift that helps us to cast off the natural man, who is selfish, defensive, prideful, and jealous. Charity is the principal characteristic of a true follower of Jesus Christ.¹³ Charity defines a peacemaker.

When we humble ourselves before God and pray with all the energy of our hearts, God will grant us charity.¹⁴

Those blessed with this supernal gift are long-suffering and kind. They do not envy others and are not caught up in their own importance. They are not easily provoked and do not think evil of others.¹⁵

Brothers and sisters, the pure love of Christ is the answer to the contention that ails us today. Charity propels us “to bear one another’s burdens”¹⁶ rather than heap burdens upon each other. The pure love of Christ allows us “to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things”¹⁷—especially in tense situations. Charity allows us to demonstrate how men and women of Christ speak and act—especially when under fire....

In situations that are highly charged and filled with contention, I invite you to remember Jesus Christ. Pray to have the courage and wisdom to say or do what He would. As we follow the Prince of Peace, we will become His peacemakers.

At this point you may be thinking that this message would really help someone you know. Perhaps you are hoping that it will help him or her to be nicer to you. I hope it will! But I also hope that you will look deeply into your heart to see if there are shards of pride or jealousy that prevent you from becoming a peacemaker.¹⁹

If you are serious about helping to gather Israel and about building relationships that will last throughout the eternities, now is the time to lay aside bitterness. Now is the time to cease insisting that it is your way or no way. Now is the time to stop doing things that make others walk on eggshells for fear of upsetting you. Now is the time to bury your weapons of war.²⁰ If your verbal arsenal is filled with insults and accusations, now is the time to put them away.²¹ You will arise as a spiritually strong man or woman of Christ.

The temple can help us in our quest. There we are endowed with God’s power, giving us the ability to overcome Satan, the instigator of all contention.²² Cast him out of your relationships! Note that we also rebuke the adversary every time we heal a misunderstanding or refuse to take offense. Instead, we can show the tender mercy that is characteristic of true disciples of Jesus Christ. Peacemakers thwart the adversary....

Today I invite you to examine your discipleship within the context of the way you treat others. I bless you to make any adjustments that may be needed so that your behavior is ennobling, respectful, and representative of a true follower of Jesus Christ.

I bless you to replace belligerence with beseeching, animosity with understanding, and contention with peace.

Most Evident Signs We are Becoming Like the Savior

 

Followers of the Prince of Peace

By Elder Ulisses Soares

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Another important aspect to emphasize, and one that has direct implications on our discipleship and how we promote the peace of the Savior, is the manner in which we treat each other. During His earthly ministry, the Savior’s teachings focused—not only, but particularly—on the virtues of love, charity, patience, humility, and compassion—fundamental attributes to those who want to become closer to Him and promote His peace. Such attributes are gifts from God, and as we strive to develop them, we will begin to see our neighbor’s differences and weaknesses with more empathy, sensitivity, respect, and tolerance. One of the most evident signs that we are drawing closer to the Savior and becoming more like Him is the loving, patient, and kind way with which we treat our fellow beings, whatever the circumstances.

We often see people who engage in negative and even derogatory comments about the perceived characteristics, weaknesses, and opinions of others, mainly when such characteristics and opinions differ or contradict how they act and think. It is very common to see these people passing on such comments to others, who repeat what they heard without truly knowing all the circumstances surrounding a situation. Unfortunately, social media encourages this kind of behavior in the name of relative truths and transparency. Without restraint, digital conversation often leads people to personal attacks and heated disputes, creating disappointments, wounding hearts, and spreading flaming hostility....

If we are not careful with our thoughts, words, and actions, we may end up being entangled by the cunning tricks of the enemy, destroying our relationships with the people around us and our loved ones....

I invite you to consider ways we can transform ourselves into uplifting and supportive people, people who have an understanding and forgiving heart, people who look for the best in others, always remembering that “if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”²⁴

I promise you that as we pursue and develop these attributes, we will become more and more cordial and sensitive to the needs of our fellow beings²⁵ and will experience joy, peace, and spiritual growth.²⁶ Undoubtedly, the Lord will recognize our efforts and give us the gifts we need to be more tolerant and patient with one another’s differences, weaknesses, and imperfections. Furthermore, we will be better able to resist the urge to take offense or offend those who hurt us. Our desire to forgive, as the Savior did, those who mistreat us or speak evil about us will surely increase and will become part of our character.

Peace and Power of God

 President Brigham Young (1801–77) beautifully taught that the circumstances in our lives do not determine our outlook. He said: “Thrust a man into prison and bind him with chains and then let him be filled with the comfort and with the glory of eternity, and that prison is a palace to him. Again, let a man be seated upon a throne with power and dominion in this world, ruling his millions and millions, and without that peace which flows from the Lord of Hosts, without that contentment and joy that comes from heaven, his palace is a prison, his life is a burden to him; he lives in fear, in dread, and in sorrow. But when a person is filled with the peace and power of God, all is right with him.”

Brigham Young, “Remarks,” Deseret News, July 15, 1857, 148.

We Can Obtain Peace

 

“My Peace I Give unto You”

By Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Storms in Our Lives

During the Savior’s mortal ministry, His disciples learned that He could calm the storms in our lives. One evening, after a full day of teaching by the seaside, the Lord suggested that they “pass over unto the other side” of the Sea of Galilee (Mark 4:35).

After they had departed, Jesus found a spot to rest on the ship and fell asleep. Soon the skies darkened, “and there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full” (see Mark 4:37–38).

We don’t know how long the disciples struggled to keep the ship afloat, but at last they could wait no longer. Panicked, they cried out, “Master, carest thou not that we perish?” (Mark 4:38).

All of us face sudden storms. In our mortal life of trials and tests, we may feel distressed, discouraged, and disappointed. Our hearts break for ourselves and those we love. We worry and fear and sometimes lose hope. During such times, we may also cry out, “Master, carest thou not that I perish?”

In my youth one of my favorite hymns was “Master, the Tempest Is Raging.”¹ I could picture myself in the boat when “the billows [were] tossing high.” The crucial and most beautiful part of the hymn follows: “The winds and the waves shall obey thy will: Peace, be still.” Then comes the important message: “No waters can swallow the ship where lies the Master of ocean and earth and skies.”

If we welcome Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, into our boat, we need not be frightened. We will know that we can find peace amidst the storms that swirl inside us and around us. After His disciples cried out for help, Jesus “arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39).

The same words Jesus spoke to the Sea of Galilee that stormy night, He says to us during the storms of our lives: “Peace, be still.”...

Brothers and sisters, dear friends, we live in perilous times. Nations are perplexed, judgment is upon the land, and peace has been taken from the earth (see Doctrine and Covenants 1:35; 88:79). But peace need not be taken from our hearts, even if we must suffer, grieve, and wait on the Lord.

Because of Jesus Christ and His Atonement, our prayers will be answered. Timing belongs to God, but I testify that our righteous desires will one day be realized and that all our losses will be made up to us, provided we use the divine gift of repentance and remain faithful.⁵

We will be healed—physically and spiritually.

We will stand pure and holy before the judgment bar.

We will be reunited with loved ones in a glorious resurrection.

Meanwhile, may we be comforted and encouraged as we rely on the Savior’s promise: “In me ye might have peace” (John 16:33).