What Forgiveness is Not

 

What It Means and Doesn’t Mean to Forgive

By Bruce K. Fordham

Studying and pondering the scriptures and teachings of latter-day prophets will reveal how you can know and feel the essence of forgiveness—and what it is not. Once you learn these concepts, you begin to realize how releasing resentment can be profoundly healing, bringing peace to your warring heart.²

President James E. Faust (1920–2007), who served as Second Counselor in the First Presidency, said, “If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being.”...

What Forgiveness Is Not

To better understand what it means to forgive others, it can be helpful to understand what forgiveness does not entail.

First, you don’t have to trust the forgiven party once the forgiveness process is complete. For example, let’s say that you had a nice pair of running shoes that I coveted so much that I stole them from you. A short time later I felt guilty for the theft, so I returned the shoes to you, pleading for forgiveness. You responded with a forgiving reply, and I went on my way. But let’s suppose that I approached you later and asked if I could borrow those shoes. Hesitantly, you indicated that you had forgiven me, but it would be a while before you felt that you could trust me again. Time is often needed for healing and trust....

Third, forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other individual determines how you feel. Forgiveness means realizing that you determine how you feel by managing your thoughts and by being a true disciple of Christ. Again, in the example of the stolen shoes, if you told me that I was forgiven but you felt resentment each time you saw me, a deeper sense of forgiveness would obviously be required.

Fourth, forgiveness doesn’t require close association with the person who is forgiven. Forgiveness is an internal process, requiring the releasing of resentment. It doesn’t necessarily mean elevating the forgiven individual to the state of a close friend or associate. For some individuals who cross our life’s path, it is appropriate to love them from a distance....

The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness.”

Don't Insist or Demand that Others Recognize Our Correctness

 

The Coin in the Fish’s Mouth

By Elder S. Mark Palmer

Of the Seventy

4. Although as disciples of Christ we may know we are right, there are times when insisting or demanding that others recognize our correctness would simply cause unneeded offense. And even worse, it could become a stumbling block in someone else’s spiritual progression.

A wonderful example of this meekness and unwillingness to become a stumbling block is found in this experience of President James E. Faust (1920–2007), a former counselor in the First Presidency. “His son, Marcus, talked … about going with him to the Washington, D.C., temple to participate in a temple [endowment] session. When President Faust presented his recommend for admission—a special one used by general authorities—the temple worker didn’t recognize him or the recommend and denied him access. ‘Rather than embarrassing the man by telling him who he was, Dad politely excused himself and we all left.’”...

Like Peter, we will learn from the example of our Master, who was patient with faults and meek despite having all power.

Protection from Obsession with Worldly Things

President James E. Faust (1920–2007), Second Counselor in the First Presidency, taught that as we avoid worldly distractions on the Sabbath day, we are blessed with protection from obsession with worldly things: “In this day of increasing access to and preoccupation with materialism, there is a sure protection for ourselves and our children against the plagues of our day. The key to that sure protection surprisingly can be found in Sabbath observance.”

James E. Faust, “The Lord’s Day,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, 35.

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What Can the Book of Mormon Teach Us about Happiness?

By Hank R. Smith

Instructor of Religious Education, Brigham Young University

Maintaining Uplifting Associations

“The quantity and quality of a person’s social connections—friendships, relationships with family members, closeness to neighbors, etc.—is so closely related to well-being and personal happiness the two can practically be equated.”

Christine Carter, “Happiness Is Being Socially Connected,” Oct. 31, 2008, greatergood.berkeley.edu.

Aligning Actions with Beliefs

Accomplishing Hard Work

Focusing on the Temple

Sharing What We Have

Belonging to a Family

“Happiness in marriage and parenthood can exceed a thousand times any other happiness.”

James E. Faust, “The Enriching of Marriage,” Ensign, Nov. 1977, 11.

Being a Peacemaker

 We must be sure we make a great effort to not do or say anything that brings a spirit of contention into our workplaces, schools, and homes. Instead we must do all we can to foster a love of God in our own hearts.

“Impatience … is a symptom of selfishness. It is a trait of the self-absorbed. It arises from the all-too-prevalent condition called ‘center of the universe’ syndrome, which leads people to believe that the world revolves around them and that all others are just supporting cast in the grand theater of mortality in which only they have the starring role.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Continue in Patience,” Ensign, May 2010, 57.

Loving Attention

Loving Attention

“Although many single adult members are well-adjusted to life and its problems, they still need loving attention from the Church and its members to reaffirm their usefulness and the love that God has for each of them.”

President James E. Faust (1920–2007), Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “Welcoming Every Single One,” Liahona, Aug. 2007, 4; Ensign, Aug. 2007, 6.

Blessing of Forgiving Others - This Needs to Be My Mantra

“If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being.”

President James E. Faust (1920–2007), Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “The Healing Power of Forgiveness,” Ensign, May 2007, 68.

Strengthening Our Testimonies

“We must strengthen our testimony. We all need to study the plan of salvation and learn of our relationship to God. As we walk by faith, we will have confirmed in our hearts spiritual experiences which will strengthen our faith and testimony.”

James E. Faust

LIfeline of Pryayer

 “No earthly authority can separate us from direct access to our Creator. There can never be a mechanical or electric failure when we pray. There is no limit on the number of times or how long we can pray each day. There is no quota of how many needs we wish to pray for in each prayer. We do not need to go through secretaries or make an appointment to reach the throne of grace. He is reachable at any time and any place.”

President James E. Faust, “The Lifeline of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2002, 59. 

Humbly Grateful

 “Let us not be arrogant but rather humbly grateful if our children are obedient and respectful of our teachings of the ways of the Lord.”

President James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, June 2013, 21.

Disobedient Children

 “We should be considerate of those worthy, righteous parents who struggle and suffer with disobedient children.”

President James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, June 2013, 20. 

Loving But Firm Discipline

 “An important element of doing the best we can as parents is to provide loving but firm discipline. If we do not discipline our children, society may do it in a way that is not to our liking or our children’s. Part of disciplining children is to teach them to work.”

President James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, June 2013, 19. 

Who are Good Parents?

 “Who are good parents? They are those who have lovingly, prayerfully, and earnestly tried to teach their children by example and precept “to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” This is true even though some of their children are disobedient or worldly. Children come into this world with their own distinct spirits and personality traits. Some children “would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. . . . Perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of, and be a joy to, almost any father or mother.” Successful parents are those who have sacrificed and struggled to do the best they can in their own family circumstances.”

President James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, June 2013, 16. 

What Really Counts

“It’s not so much what happens to us but how we deal with what happens to us.”

President James E. Faust (1920-2007), Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “Where Do I Make My Stand?” Ensign, Nov. 2004, 20. 

Spend Time With Family

 “One of the main problems in families today is that we spend less and less time together. . . . Time together is precious time—time needed to talk, to listen, to encourage, and to show how to do things.”

James E. Faust, “Enriching Family Life,” Ensign, May 1983, 41. 

Women, Why Weepest Thou?

In October 1996 President James E. Faust gave a talk entitled, “Woman, why weepest thou?” In his talk President Faust states, “Many of us have heartrending challenges, those who suffer, those who feel alone, those who mourn and have heartaches, those with physical , mental, emotional pain, those crippled or who have become crippled, those who have the privileged responsibilities of helping others who have mental and physical disabilities, and those who may have serious transgressions. The Savior discovered the sorrowing Mary Magdalene, who ‘stood without at the sepulcher weeping’. As she turned around she saw Jesus standing and knew not that it was Jesus. Jesus saith unto her, ‘Woman, why weepest thou?’ The Savior was speaking not just to the sorrowing Mary, he was also speaking to us, for the tears or sorrow, pain, or remorse are the common lot of mankind.”

President Faust went on to say “to remain true and faithful through this mortal vale of tears, we must love God with all our heart, might, mind and strength, and love our neighbors as ourselves. We must also stand together; we must gather strength from each other. We must also ‘succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down and strengthen the feeble knees’.

“As we go through travail and difficulty, we may feel sorry for ourselves and despair, but with the love of God and Saints, unitedly bearing each other’s burdens, we can be happy and overcome evil.”

Raising Children

“In my opinion, the teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life.”

James E. Faust, “The Greatest Challenge in the World—Good Parenting,” Ensign, Nov. 1990, 33.