The covenant path is not a simple checklist

 

Are You Still Willing?

By Elder Kevin W. Pearson

The covenant path is not a simple checklist; it is a process of spiritual growth and deepening commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. The central purpose of every commandment, principle, covenant, and ordinance is to build faith and trust in Christ. Our determination to center our lives on Christ, therefore, must be consistent—not conditional, situational, or superficial. We cannot afford to take vacation days or personal time off from our willingness to “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places.”⁷ Discipleship is not cheap, because the companionship of the Holy Ghost is priceless....

Carnal security is seeking for and trusting in worldly things instead of Christ—in other words, looking through a secular lens instead of a spiritual lens. The Holy Ghost gives us the capacity to see “things as they really are, and … as they really will be.”¹¹ Only “by the power of the Holy Ghost [can we] know the truth of all things”¹² and be not deceived. We place Christ at the center of our lives and pledge our willingness to obey His commandments not because we are blind but because we can see....

[The parable of the ten virgins...] This parable is a metaphor for our time. Many leave the Savior and their covenants long before they leave His Church....

The most powerful spiritual influence in the life of a child is the righteous example of loving parents and grandparents who faithfully keep their own sacred covenants. Intentional parents teach their children faith in the Lord Jesus Christ so that they too “may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.”¹⁵ Casual and inconsistent covenant keeping leads to spiritual casualty. The spiritual damage is often greatest on our children and grandchildren. Parents and grandparents, are we still willing?

President Russell M. Nelson has warned that “in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.”¹⁶ This is a clear and unmistakable warning to trim our lamps and increase our spiritual oil reserves. Are we still willing to follow the living prophets? What is the level of spiritual oil in your lamp? What changes in your personal life would enable you to have the influence of the Holy Ghost more constantly?

Gospel Culture in Our Family

 

Divine Parenting Lessons

By Elder Valeri V. Cordón

Of the Seventy

As we choose to make the gospel culture the predominant culture in our family, then by the powerful influence of the Holy Ghost,⁹ our current parenting styles, traditions, and practices will be sifted, aligned, refined, and enhanced....

Parents, what do we need to model for our children? Discipleship.

Have Your Children Choose to do What is Right

 "Our Heavenly Father's goal in parenting is not to have His children do what is right; it is to have His children choose to do what is right and ultimately become like Him. If he simply wanted us to be obedient, He would use immediate rewards and punishments to influence our behaviors."

Elder Dale G. Renlund, Choose You This Day, Oct. 2018

Don't be the "natural" parent

Ten Ideas for Mastering Strong Emotions at Home

By David Schramm, PhD

Assistant Professor of Human Development and Family Studies, Utah State University

1. Beware the natural parent.

Our bodies were designed to experience all kinds of emotions, including anger, confusion, frustration, and exasperation. A “natural” parent gives in to these impulses and lashes out. This natural parent—much like the natural man—is an enemy to his or her children and spouse, “unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural [impulses] and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love” (Mosiah 3:19).

In short, when we replace our unbridled, natural emotions with compassion and Christlike love, we become more like the Savior and thus better equipped to help our children manage their own emotions...

Feelings must be validated before behavior can be improved....

7. See things from your child’s perspective.

When we honestly try to see things from our children’s perspective, we will be reminded that we were children once—we made messes and were disrespectful. We can remind ourselves that all humans, including children, do things for reasons that make sense to them. And when we slip and say or do things we regret, we can be quick to apologize to others, including to our spouse and children.

Parenting Tips From Teens

Dear Mom and Dad: 40 Parenting Tips from Teens

By Chad Conrad

Seminaries and Institutes

Photographs from Getty Images

Over the past 20 years as a seminary teacher, I’ve asked hundreds of my students, “What advice would you give your parents on parenting?” Their responses fascinated and inspired me—so much so that I started asking their parents the same question, only in reverse: “What advice would you give your teenaged children?”

The most frequent responses over the years are listed on the following pages.

For suggestions on how to use these lists with your teens, see the “What Now?” activity on page 39.

Communication and Building Trust

1. Trust us. If we lose your trust, make us earn it back.
2. Don’t always say, “Because I said so.” Explain your decisions to us if you can.
3. Don’t yell at us or overreact. And don’t let us yell at you.
4. Be willing to negotiate with us sometimes.
5. If we admit our mess-ups to you first, don’t be mad at us. Recognize our desires to change.
6. Admit when you’re wrong.
7. Talk with us and listen sincerely to our ideas.
8. Be sure your expectations for us are clear. Sometimes we mess up because we genuinely don’t understand what you want from us.
9. Instead of grounding us all the time, let us suffer more natural consequences.
10. Give us second chances.
11. More praise, less criticism.
12. Be our friends sometimes and just listen to us.
13. Really try to understand our side of the story before you judge us or punish us.
14. Apologize when you mess up.
15. Have high standards and expectations, but don’t force us to become something you want us to be.

Learning and Living the Gospel

16. Practice what you preach, or we’ll be less likely to follow you.
17. Go to the temple more—it puts you in a better mood.
18. Teach us the gospel; then let us make our own choices.
19. Have family prayer and scripture study.
20. Take us to church with you (but if we don’t want to go, find out why).
21. Talk to us about morality and intimacy—more than once. If you don’t, we’ll get answers elsewhere.
22. Have faith in us.

Family Unity

23. Treat all the children in the family fairly. If you treat one child differently from another, be certain we understand why.
24. Be happy.
25. Support our ball games and performances and activities.
26. Limit our screen time.
27. Don’t embarrass us around friends.
28. Respect our privacy.
29. Have family meals together.
30. Don’t try to be cool. Just be yourself. That’s what we need and who we love.
31. Have fun family nights and family activities. Play with us.
32. Tell us goofy stories about your life so we know you were a kid once.

Life Skills, School, and Work

33. Don’t work too much.
34. Teach us how to work (but don’t overdo it).
35. Teach us life skills like doing our own laundry and cooking dinner. Teach us to serve.
36. Help us with homework and encourage good grades (but don’t overdo it).
37. Teach us to be self-reliant and how to manage money.
38. Pay us sometimes for babysitting or extra chores.

Health and Lifestyle

39. Encourage us to be physically active.
40. Help us get more sleep and eat better.

Disconnect From the World and Connect With Heaven

Be Faithful, Not Faithless
BY STEPHEN W. OWEN Young Men General President

...we must deliberately take time each day to disconnect from the world and connect with heaven....

Regardless of your circumstances, you can make your home the center of gospel learning and living. It simply means taking personal responsibility for your conversion and spiritual growth....

The adversary will try to persuade you that spiritual nourishment isn’t necessary or, more cunningly, that it can wait. He is the master of distraction and author of procrastination. He will bring things to your attention that seem urgent but in reality aren’t that important. He would have you become so “troubled about many things” that you neglect the “one thing [that] is needful.”...

Parents, please build strong relationships with your children. They need more of your time, not less...

Never underestimate the strength that comes from gathering with others who are also trying to be strong....

 Whether you are a leader, a neighbor, a quorum member, or simply a fellow Saint, if you have the opportunity to touch the life of a young person, help him or her connect with heaven. Your influence might be exactly the “Church support” that young person needs.

Choosing Good Media Resources

Related Resources

• A Parent’s Guide on LDS.org has excellent age-by-age help for teaching children about healthy intimacy.
• Go to overcomingpornography.org for family home evening lessons and other helps for parents, including the video for children “What Should I Do If I See Pornography?”

The Effect of the Book of Mormon

Prophetic Promise

“The effect of the Book of Mormon on your character, power, and courage to be a witness for God is certain. The doctrine and the valiant examples in that book will lift, guide, and embolden you.

“Every missionary who is proclaiming the name and gospel of Jesus Christ will be blessed by daily feasting from the Book of Mormon. Parents who struggle to get a witness of the Savior into the heart of a child will be helped as they seek for a way to bring the words and the spirit of the Book of Mormon into the home and all the lives in their family.”

President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency, “A Witness,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2011, 69.

How Our Heavenly Father Sees Us

Righteous parents not only make deliberate and loving choices to bring children into the world, but they also prepare, pray, and eagerly wait during the period of gestation, anticipating the birth of their child. After birth they delight in holding, talking to, caring for, and protecting their child. They learn the baby’s individual patterns and needs. They know the child better than the child knows himself or herself. Regardless of the number of children parents have, each is an individual to them.

Quentin L Cook, "The Doctrine of the Father," Ensign, Feb 2012, 34. 

The Most Important Decision You Will Ever Make

Tad R. Callister told his story about finding a spouse. His mother had overheard his prayers one night. "When I finished, she said, "Tad, are you asking the Lord to help you find a good wife?' . . . I replied, 'No,' to which she responded, 'Well, you should, Son; it will be the most important decision you will ever make.' "

Tad R. Callister, "Parents: The Prime Gospel Teachers of Their Children," Ensign, Nov. 2014, 33.

A Successful Parent

"A successful parent is one who has loved, one who has sacrificed, and one who has cared for, taught, and ministered to the needs of a child. If you have done all of these and your child is still wayward or troublesome or worldly, it could well be that you are, nevertheless, a successful parent."

Howard W. Hunter, "Parents' Concern for Children," Ensign, 1983, 65.

Loving But Firm Discipline

 “An important element of doing the best we can as parents is to provide loving but firm discipline. If we do not discipline our children, society may do it in a way that is not to our liking or our children’s. Part of disciplining children is to teach them to work.”

President James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, June 2013, 19. 

Disobedient Children

 “The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for theirs; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.”

Orson F. Whitney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1929, 110. 

Who are Good Parents?

 “Who are good parents? They are those who have lovingly, prayerfully, and earnestly tried to teach their children by example and precept “to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” This is true even though some of their children are disobedient or worldly. Children come into this world with their own distinct spirits and personality traits. Some children “would challenge any set of parents under any set of circumstances. . . . Perhaps there are others who would bless the lives of, and be a joy to, almost any father or mother.” Successful parents are those who have sacrificed and struggled to do the best they can in their own family circumstances.”

President James E. Faust, “Dear Are the Sheep That Have Wandered,” Ensign, June 2013, 16. 

Rear Your Children With Confidence in the Lord

“The measure of our success as parents . . . will not rest solely on how our children turn out. That judgment would be just only if we could raise our families in a perfectly moral environment, and that now is not possible. . . . When parents keep the covenants that have made at the altar of the temple, their children will be forever bound to them.”

President Boyd K. Packer, “Our Moral Environment,” Ensign, May 1992, 68.

Time Passes Quickly

“Near the end of his life, one father looked back on how he had spent his time on earth. An acclaimed, respected author of numerous scholarly works, he said, ‘I wish I had written one less book and taken my children fishing more often.’

“Time passes quickly. Many parents say that it seems like yesterday that their children were born. Now those children are grown, perhaps with children of their own. ‘Where did the years go?’ they ask. We cannot call back time that is past, we cannot stop time that now is, and we cannot experience the future in our present state. Time is a gift, a treasure not to be put aside for the future but to be used wisely in the present.”

President Thomas S. Monson, “Dedication Day,” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 66. 

The Promise of the Atonement

“Save for the exception of the very few who defect to perdition, there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ.

“How all can be repaired, we do not know. It may not all be accomplished in this life. . . .

“This knowledge should be as comforting to the innocent as it is to the guilty. I am thinking of parents who suffer unbearably for the mistakes of their wayward children and are losing hope.”

President Boyd K. Packer, “The Brilliant Morning of Forgiveness,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 20. 

Problems with Missionaries

“When an intelligent, talented missionary with no history of emotional problems struggled, priesthood leaders and others often wondered why. In many cases, the missionary just hadn’t learned how to deal with challenges well. Parents can help their children avoid such problems by teaching principles that foster greater resilience.”

Lyle J. Burrup, “Raising Resilient Children,” Ensign, Mar 2013, 13. 

Creating Family Cultures

Elder L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught five things parents can do to create stronger family cultures. He said: “These suggestions for creating stronger family cultures work in tandem with the culture of the Church. Our strengthened family cultures will be a protection for our children.”

1.       “Parents can pray in earnest, asking our Eternal Father to help them.”

2.       “They can hold family prayer, scripture study, and family home evenings and eat together as often as possible.”

3.       “Parents can fully avail themselves of the Church’s support network.”

4.       “Parents can share their testimonies often with their children.”

5.       “We can organize our families based on clear, simple family rules and expectations, wholesome family traditions and rituals, and ‘family economics.’”

From “Becoming Goodly Parents,” Ensign, Nov. 2012, 28. 

Church Scaffolding

  “Eternal principles are the scaffolding the Church provides. These eternal principles are embedded in the doctrines of the kingdom of God and are reflected in His eternal plan of happiness. We meet as members of the Church to teach and learn from each other the principles of righteousness and to receive saving ordinances so the scaffolding is steady and stable as we build our eternal families.

“Notice that the Church is not meant to do the work of parents; rather, it guides the work of parents. The Church offers an eternal form. As builders of eternal families, we are reassured by promises that is we build according to this eternal form, our efforts can provide the safety and protection we seek for those we love most.

Elder L. Tom Perry, “The Tradition of Light and Testimony,” Ensign, Dec. 2012, 31.