Lessons of Resilience From Childhood

When I was a child, many adults in my life—parents, neighbors, teachers, and Church leaders—taught me and my brother and sisters the following lessons. These five principles may be helpful for your children:

1.       Paying the price for privileges.

I knew that freedom to play with my friends in the coming days depended on whether or not I came home on time.

2.       The law of the harvest.

If I wanted money, I had to deliver the newspapers for my route and collect the money each month.

3.       Personal accountability and responsibility.

I had to complete my own homework, science fair projects, and merit badges.

4.       The law of restitution.

I could make up for misbehavior by apologizing and repairing the wrong. My parents sometimes suggested that I complete extra chores, such as pulling weeds.

5.       Learning from mistakes.

If I made my bed poorly, did not wash the dishes properly, or did not pull weeds properly, I had to redo these tasks correctly.

-Lyle K. Burrup

Recommendations for Resilience

 “Here are some recommendations for how we might apply [helping children develop resilience] in our homes:

·         Pray to understand your children’s strengths and how to help them with their weaknesses.

·         Be patient and realize that children need time to develop resilience.

·         Strive to understand that mistakes and failures are opportunities to learn.

·         Allow natural, logical consequences to serve as the disciplinarian.

·         Respect children’s decisions, even if their poor choices lead to lost privileges.

·         Refrain from berating children for breaking the rules.

·         Do not discourage effort by criticizing harshly.

·         Rather than praising accomplishment, encourage and praise effort.

·         “Praise your children more than correct them. Praise them for even their smallest achievement.” (President Ezra Taft Benson, “The Honored Place of Women,” Ensign, Nov. 1981, 107).

Lyle J. Burrup, “Raising Resilient Children,” Ensign, Mar 2013, 15. 

Adversity and Resilience

 “We know two things about adversity and resilience: First, there is “an opposition in all things” (2 Nephi 2:11). Second, obtaining anything of great worth often requires great sacrifice.

“As children become resilient, they understand and accept these two facts. They see life as challenging and ever changing, but they believe they can cope with those challenges and changes. They view mistakes and weaknesses as opportunities to learn, and they accept that losing may precede winning.

“As children develop resilience, they believe they can influence and even control outcomes in their lives through effort, imagination, knowledge, and skill. With this attitude, they focus on what they can do rather than on what is outside their control.

“Another mark of resilience is to see great purpose and meaning in life and people. A sense of purpose will help our children avoid giving up, in spite of setbacks and pressure to do so.”

Lyle J. Burrup, “Raising Resilient Children,” Ensign, Mar 2013, 13. 

Problems with Missionaries

“When an intelligent, talented missionary with no history of emotional problems struggled, priesthood leaders and others often wondered why. In many cases, the missionary just hadn’t learned how to deal with challenges well. Parents can help their children avoid such problems by teaching principles that foster greater resilience.”

Lyle J. Burrup, “Raising Resilient Children,” Ensign, Mar 2013, 13.