Opinions of Others

“We torture ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we do or don’t have and by the opinions of others. If we must compare, let us compare how we were in the past to how we are today—and even to how we want to be in the future.”

J. Devn Cornish, “Am I Good Enough? Will I Make It?” Ensign, Nov. 2016, 33.

Am I Good Enough? Will I Make It?

186th Semiannual General Conference

Idealized Reality

Let Us Share Our Knowledge of a Savior

By Elder Gary E. Stevenson

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

From a Brigham Young University Women’s Conference address, “The Knowledge of a Savior,” delivered on May 5, 2017. For the full text, go to lds.org/prophets-and-apostles.

Finally, I offer two additional merging risks, whose nets are cast over virtually everyone, including young women and millennial mothers and wives. I label these two risks as “idealized reality” and “debilitating comparisons.” I think the best way to describe these two risks is to offer some examples.

Generally speaking, pictures that get posted on social media tend to portray life in the very best and often in even an unrealistic way. They are often filled with beautiful images of home decor, wonderful vacation spots, and elaborate food preparation. The danger, of course, is that many people become discouraged that they seemingly don’t measure up to this idealized virtual reality....

I invite each of you to fully consider your role to preach the gospel of peace as lovely messengers. Let each of us do our part to share our “knowledge of a Savior” with every nation, kindred, tongue, and people. The best way to do this is one step at a time and in a unique way that works best for you and your family. May each of you have the courage to blog, pin, like, share, post, friend, tweet, snap, and swipe up in a way that will glorify, honor, and respect the will of our loving Heavenly Father and bring a knowledge of the Savior to your family, loved ones, and friends—including your friends on social media.

Helping Family Love During Family Reunions

Compassion and Forgiveness in Our Families

By Andrea Lystrup

Marriage and Family Therapist

The author lives in Washington, D.C., USA.

Why does compassion need to come before change? Partly because when we’re constantly criticized, our sense of self-worth diminishes, along with the hope that we can improve our lives....

Extending compassion conveys to those around us that they are worthy of love as they are. Forgiveness takes it a step further and communicates that we have stopped feeling angry toward them. Forgiveness replaces bitterness with love and allows us to move on. Sometimes others hurt us in such a way that it seems impossible to stop feeling bitter and angry. This is where we must let the power of the Savior’s Atonement work in our lives.

I have seen time and time again that relationships do not improve without the broken heart and the contrite spirit that we hear about so often in the scriptures (see 3 Nephi 9:20; Doctrine and Covenants 59:8). These conditions can be achieved by accepting and forgiving our loved ones and will allow us to begin making the small steps that lead to increased peace and love in our lives.

Divorce Rate

"In 1920 the divorce rate in the United States was 8 per 1,000 married women; by 1979, it had reached nearly 23 a nearly threefold increase. It has since dropped slightly, but this is likely due to a large increase in cohabiting couples, now an estimated 6.6 million, whose separations, including from children, are not recorded in official statistics. By many measurements, the United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. Evidence of the toll is that today in America a heartbreaking 40 percent of all births are out of wedlock."

Elder Bruce D. Porter

Feeling Hungry and Fasting

"When we fast, . . . we feel hunger. And for a short time, we literally put ourselves in the position of the hungry and needy. As we do so, we have greater understanding of the deprivations they might feel. When we give to the bishop an offering to relieve the suffering of others, we not only do something sublime for others, but we do something wonderful for ourselves as well."

Joseph B. Wirthlin

Root Out Duplicity

"One way to test whether we have "an eye single to the glory of God" or a secondary eye to the evil of the world is to evaluate how we act when we are alone. What sites do we visit on the Internet? What television programs or videos do we watch? What kinds of books and magazines do we read? Would we be comfortable doing the same activities if others were watching?"

Elder Donald L. Hallstrom

Sense of the Sacred

Elder D. Todd Christofferson has said: "The importance of having a sense of the sacred is simply this - if one does not appreciate holy things, he will lose them. Absent a feeling of reverence, he will grow increasingly casual in attitude and lax in conduct. He will drift from the moorings that his covenants with God could provide. His feeling of accountability to God will diminish and then be forgotten. Thereafter, he will care only about his own comfort and satisfying his uncontrolled appetites. Finally, he will come to despise sacred things, even God, and then he will despise himself."

Protection from the Adversary

Protection from the Adversary

“Do you young people want a sure way to eliminate the influence of the adversary in your life? Immerse yourself in searching for your ancestors, prepare their names for the sacred vicarious ordinances available in the temple, and then go to the temple to stand as proxy for them to receive the ordinances of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. As you grow older, you will be able to participate in receiving the other ordinances as well. I can think of no greater protection from the influence of the adversary in your life.”

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “The Joy of Redeeming the Dead,” Ensign, Nov. 2012, 94.

Charity is....

“Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down,” said President Thomas S. Monson. “It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.”

The Spirit Will Guide You

"The gift of the Holy Ghost, if you consent, will guide and protect you and even correct your actions. It is a spiritual voice that comes into the mind as a thought or a feelings put into your heart. . . . It is not expected that you go through lie without making mistakes, but you will not make a major mistake without first being warned by the promptings of the Spirit. this promise applies to all members of the Church."

Boyd K. Packer, "Counsel to Youth," Ensign, Nov 2011, 17-18.

Forgiveness Heals Your Wounds

"Forgiveness . . . can be hard to understand, even more difficult to give. Begin by withholding judgment. . . . Leave the handling of aggressors to others. As you experience an easing of your own pain, full forgiveness will come more easily. 

"You cannot erase what has been done, but you can forgive. Forgiveness heals terrible, tragic wounds, for it allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate. It cleanses your consciousness of the desire for revenge. It makes place for the purifying, healing, restoring love of the Lord.

"The Master counseled, 'Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you'. 

"Bitterness and hatred are harmful. They produce much that is destructive. They postpone the relief and healing you yearn for. Through rationalization and self-pity, they can transform a victim into an abuser. Let God be the judge - you cannot do it as well as he can."

Richard G. Scott, "Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse," Ensign, May 1992, 32-33.

#stemit

Cast Out Negative Feelings

President Faust taught: "The Savior has offered to all of us a precious peace through His Atonement, but this can come only as we are willing to cast out negative feelings of anger, spite, or revenge."

James E. Faust, "Forgiveness," 69.

#aang

Great Questions, Great Discussions

By Jack Lyon

The author lives in Utah, USA.

If you want the class to have a discussion about something specific like faith, consider saying something like this: “Today we’ll be talking about faith, the first principle of the gospel.” Then ask a question about faith that doesn’t have a specific answer:

1. “What part has faith played in your life?”
2. “Why do you think the Lord wants us to have faith?”
3. “What are some ways we can increase our faith?”

There’s an added benefit to asking open-ended questions: Even class members who don’t add to the discussion will be thinking about the questions. Their understanding and testimony may grow even though they haven’t said anything...

the scriptures should remain the primary focus of our teaching and learning.

Soul in Prayer

Turn Your Heart toward the Lord

“Lift up your soul in prayer and explain to your Heavenly Father what you are feeling. Acknowledge your shortcomings. Pour out your heart and express your gratitude. Let Him know of the trials you are facing. Plead with Him in Christ’s name for strength and support. Ask that your ears may be opened, that you may hear His voice. Ask that your eyes may be opened, that you may see His light.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “The Hope of God’s Light,” Ensign, May 2013, 75.

Overwhelmed and Overburdened

Opening Our Hearts to Revelation

By Elder Patrick Kearon

Of the Seventy

From a devotional address given at Brigham Young University on February 14, 2012. For the full text, visit speeches.byu.edu.

We may not know we are doing it, but occasionally we cut ourselves off from divine communication when our hearts become overburdened by the worries, pressures, irritations, and deadlines of daily life. Our hearts can become blocked from the peace and comfort the Lord would give us if we are too troubled and concerned. When we stay up too late and work too hard in order to meet our daily demands, fatigue sets in, we become overtired, and the world looks like a much gloomier place; things get out of perspective and out of proportion.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, it seems impossible to slow down, find a quiet space, and draw close to your Heavenly Father. Just the mere suggestion that you carve out some time from your already overscheduled day may increase the sense of pressure you feel....

As with so much in life, what we consume is a choice, so if you spend much of your time consuming one kind of message, don’t be surprised that you become influenced by it. Spending too much of our time with social media, celebrity or entertainment news, games, and the pursuit of online, time-hungry activities constitutes a poor digital diet. When we choose to consume the attitudes and opinions of the mass media, we find our own values and viewpoints following suit. We tell ourselves we’re not being affected by these messages, but that is not possible.

Speaking to Children

Speaking to Children

“Helaman’s sons were persecuted and put in prison. … Then came a voice. …

“‘… It was not a voice of thunder, neither was it a voice of a great tumultuous noise, but behold, it was a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper, and it did pierce even to the very soul.’ [Helaman 5:30.]

“We can learn from that voice from heaven. It was not loud, scolding, or demeaning; it was a still voice of perfect mildness, giving firm direction while giving hope.

“How we speak to our children and the words we use can encourage and uplift them. … They come to this earth ready to listen.”

Rosemary M. Wixom, Primary general president, “The Words We Speak,” Ensign, May 2013, 81.

Patience and Sense of Humor

Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught that “husbands and wives deal with their imperfections best with patience and a sense of humor.”

Russell M. Nelson, “The Doctrinal Importance of Marriage and Children,” Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, Feb. 2012, lds.org/broadcasts.

Constructive Comments

“Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive.”

Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Tongue of Angels,” Ensign, May 2007, 17.

Criticism is the forerunner of divorce

“Everywhere is heard the snide remark, the sarcastic gibe, the cutting down of associates. Sadly, these are too often the essence of our conversation. In our homes, wives weep and children finally give up under the barrage of criticism leveled by husbands and fathers. Criticism is the forerunner of divorce, the cultivator of rebellion, sometimes a catalyst that leads to failure. …

“I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.”

Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Continuing Pursuit of Truth,” Ensign, Apr. 1986, 2, 4.

Immerse in Scriptures

Study with a Promise

“When individual members and families immerse themselves in the scriptures regularly and consistently, … other areas of activity will automatically come. Testimonies will increase. Commitment will be strengthened. Families will be fortified. Personal revelation will flow.”

President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994), “The Power of the Word,” Ensign, May 1986, 81.i

Journals

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) described that process of inspired writing: “Those who keep a book of remembrance are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives. Journals are a way of counting our blessings and of leaving an inventory of these blessings for our posterity.”

Spencer W. Kimball, “Listen to the Prophets,” Ensign, May 1978, 77.

Memories of Blessings

You could have such an experience with the gift of the Holy Ghost today. You could begin a private prayer with thanks. You could start to count your blessings and then pause for a moment. If you exercise faith, with the gift of the Holy Ghost, you will find that memories of other blessings will flood into your mind. If you begin to express gratitude for each of them, your prayer may take a little longer than usual. Remembrance will come, and so will gratitude.

Recognize, Remember, and Give Thanks

By President Henry B. Eyring

First Counselor in the First Presidency

Prayers of Gratitude

There is a great tendency for us in our prayers and in our pleadings with the Lord to ask for additional blessings. But sometimes I feel we need to devote more of our prayers to expressions of gratitude and thanksgiving for blessings already received. We enjoy so much.

Ezra Taft Benson, God, Family, Country: Our Three Great Loyalties (1974), 199.

Go to Mutual for What You Can Give

Helping New Converts Stay Strong

By Susan W. Tanner

Served as Young Women general president from 2002 to 2008

When my children were teenagers and they sometimes did not want to attend Mutual or other meetings, I talked to them about their responsibility. I said that we don’t always go to a meeting for what we can get out of it, but for what we can give. I said often, “You need the Church, and the Church needs you.” New converts and less-active members need to feel needed because they are needed.

Be a Better Parent

The Functional Family

By James D. MacArthur, PhD

Director, Counseling and Career Center, Brigham Young University

Sometimes as parents we slip into the role of a manager seeking to control our children because we expect a desired result. The problem with this approach is that children resist coercion or compulsion, especially as they get older. We will be more effective the less we act as managers and the more we act as coaches, consultants, and guides. That means that we teach our children correct principles and, as their maturity and experience allow, continue to grant them greater latitude to make choices and reap the consequences....

One of the best ways parents can strengthen their families is to establish a specific time each week to discuss how the family is doing.

Examples of unintentional though often harmful messages include ignoring or being impatient with a child. If you are too busy to spend time with your son or daughter, you might be sending the message “You are not very important to me.” ...

talk together; play together; spend one-on-one time together; send letters, cards, or notes sharing your affection; give compliments; do something fun and unexpected; say, “I love you”; listen to the other person; ask him or her to help you on a project; share personal feelings...

• Do I want my children to be patient? Yes, so I try to be as patient with them as I can.
• Do I want my children to relax, have fun, and learn to enjoy life? Yes, because I believe these qualities are vital to developing healthy, happy relationships. I try to have fun with my children as often as I can.
• Do I want my children to read the scriptures and wholesome books? Yes, so I make sure they see me reading, and I read to them.
• Do I want my children to care about family relationships? Yes, so I kiss and hug them, smile at them, listen to them, play with them, and share personal experiences with them.

We as parents need to live worthy of the guidance of the Holy Ghost at all times, especially when things get tough...

Remember to be patient with yourself and your family members.