Articulate and share what you want your marriage to look like in 5, 10, or 20 years. I’m always surprised by how many couples don’t talk about the kind of marriage they want to have. Having this conversation places the marriage on center stage and sets couples on a course for active marital improvement and commitment for the future.
Write down and share a positive memory in the marriage. Negative emotions tend to be so absorbing that they often crowd out hope. When people think about and share positive memories, they make space for feeling hope again.
Share a memory of a time that you were able to overcome a challenge together.Recalling these circumstances is a way to access unity as a married couple.
Create small but meaningful rituals for when you part and come together again. This seems intuitive, but couples often forget the importance that a predictable kiss, hug, or verbal expression can have in generating positivity in the marriage over time.
Introduce an element of novelty into your dating. There is research suggesting that couples who intentionally date by seeking new experiences often achieve improved relationship quality. This requires creativity and effort, not money.
Tell your children regularly what you admire about your spouse. This is my favorite. When I have had couples in therapy follow through on this directive, they have reported immediate and positive results.
Actively seek uplifting marital improvement resources. This includes books and articles (print or audio), games, lectures, firesides, workshops, conferences, and more.
Ask each other regularly if you are more or less connected as a couple than before and discuss what you can to do bridge the gap. This can be done daily, weekly, or even monthly and provides a way to refocus attention on the marriage.
Counsel with your bishop to access professional resources if necessary. For a variety of reasons, people often delay seeking help. I can’t count the number of times I wish a couple had sought help years earlier, before so much resentment had poisoned the marriage.
Pray.
- SEPTEMBER 2015
- BLESSING OUR CHILDREN BY IMPROVING OUR MARRIAGES
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