Improving Our Marriages

Blessing Our Children by Improving Our Marriages

By Lori Cluff Schade

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Many couples devote their attention to causes that are worthwhile but that do little to strengthen their marriages. Some diligently adjust their schedules to attend children’s performances but can’t seem to find time for a date with a spouse. In the whirlwind of child rearing, career building, and fulfilling Church callings, marriages are easily neglected and can sometimes even become colored with conflict, resentment, and betrayal....

I sometimes encounter marriages that offer more stability than quality. Some couples mistakenly think that if they simply refrain from arguing in front of their children, their children will be unaware of the disconnection in the marriage. Children are extremely intuitive and usually have a sense that something isn’t going well, which can lead to deep feelings of insecurity. Absence of conflict in a marriage is a cheap substitute for secure connection....