The Potential of Marriage

The Potential of Marriage

“Marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship. Yet some married couples fall short of their full potential. They let their romance become rusty, take each other for granted, allow other interests or clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what their marriage really could be. Marriages would be happier if nurtured more carefully.”

President Russell M. Nelson, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Nurturing Marriage,” Ensign, May 2006, 36.

Suggestions for Improving Marital Quality

Articulate and share what you want your marriage to look like in 5, 10, or 20 years. I’m always surprised by how many couples don’t talk about the kind of marriage they want to have. Having this conversation places the marriage on center stage and sets couples on a course for active marital improvement and commitment for the future.

Write down and share a positive memory in the marriage. Negative emotions tend to be so absorbing that they often crowd out hope. When people think about and share positive memories, they make space for feeling hope again.

Share a memory of a time that you were able to overcome a challenge together.Recalling these circumstances is a way to access unity as a married couple.

Create small but meaningful rituals for when you part and come together again. This seems intuitive, but couples often forget the importance that a predictable kiss, hug, or verbal expression can have in generating positivity in the marriage over time.

Introduce an element of novelty into your dating. There is research suggesting that couples who intentionally date by seeking new experiences often achieve improved relationship quality. This requires creativity and effort, not money.

Tell your children regularly what you admire about your spouse. This is my favorite. When I have had couples in therapy follow through on this directive, they have reported immediate and positive results.

Actively seek uplifting marital improvement resources. This includes books and articles (print or audio), games, lectures, firesides, workshops, conferences, and more.

Ask each other regularly if you are more or less connected as a couple than before and discuss what you can to do bridge the gap. This can be done daily, weekly, or even monthly and provides a way to refocus attention on the marriage.

Counsel with your bishop to access professional resources if necessary. For a variety of reasons, people often delay seeking help. I can’t count the number of times I wish a couple had sought help years earlier, before so much resentment had poisoned the marriage.

Pray.

• SEPTEMBER 2015
• BLESSING OUR CHILDREN BY IMPROVING OUR MARRIAGES

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Blessing Our Children by Improving Our Marriages

By Lori Cluff Schade

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Commitment without intentionality leads to stable but stale marriages.

 “Even if we have an unbending commitment to our mates, most of us are blind to how we lose our marriages by slow erosion if we do not keep replenishing the soil. … Commitment without intentionality leads to stable but stale marriages.”

William J. Doherty, Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart, 2nd ed. (2013), 8, 9.

Improving Our Marriages

Blessing Our Children by Improving Our Marriages

By Lori Cluff Schade

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Many couples devote their attention to causes that are worthwhile but that do little to strengthen their marriages. Some diligently adjust their schedules to attend children’s performances but can’t seem to find time for a date with a spouse. In the whirlwind of child rearing, career building, and fulfilling Church callings, marriages are easily neglected and can sometimes even become colored with conflict, resentment, and betrayal....

I sometimes encounter marriages that offer more stability than quality. Some couples mistakenly think that if they simply refrain from arguing in front of their children, their children will be unaware of the disconnection in the marriage. Children are extremely intuitive and usually have a sense that something isn’t going well, which can lead to deep feelings of insecurity. Absence of conflict in a marriage is a cheap substitute for secure connection....

Houses and Pianos

Another’s Good Fortune

“Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “The Laborers in the Vineyard,” Ensign, May 2012, 31.

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.

“We have all experienced times when our focus is on what we lack rather than on our blessings. Said the Greek philosopher Epictetus, ‘He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.’ …

“Regardless of our circumstances, each of us has much for which to be grateful if we will but pause and contemplate our blessings.”

Thomas S. Monson, “The Divine Gift of Gratitude,” Ensign, Nov. 2010, 88.

Inspire Others Through Prayer

• SEPTEMBER 2015
• FAMILIES AND PRAYER

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FIRST PRESIDENCY MESSAGE

Families and Prayer

By President Henry B. Eyring

First Counselor in the First Presidency

There are apparently ordinary people who, when they pray, inspire others to open their eyes to see who is there. You can become such a person.

Think of what that can mean to those who kneel with you in family prayer. When they feel that you speak to God in faith, their faith will increase to also speak with God. When you pray to thank God for blessings they know have come, their faith will grow that God loves them and that He answers your prayers and will answer theirs. That can happen in family prayer only when you have had that experience in private prayer, time after time.

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Thought To Remember

“Just because God is smiling on someone else doesn’t mean He is frowning on you.”

• SEPTEMBER 2015
• WHY WAS I NOT BEING BLESSED?

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Why Was I Not Being Blessed?

By Becky Young Fawcett

The author lives in Utah, USA.

Definition of Success

Because we are being constantly exposed to the world’s definition of success and greatness, it is understandable that we might frequently find ourselves making comparisons between what we are and what others are, or seem to be, and also between what we have and what others have. Although it is true that making comparisons can be beneficial and may motivate us to accomplish much good and improve our lives, yet we often allow unfair and improper comparisons to destroy our happiness when they cause us to feel unfulfilled or inadequate or unsuccessful. Sometimes, because of these feelings, we are led into error, and we dwell on our failures while ignoring aspects of our lives that may contain elements of true greatness.

True Greatness

Howard W. Hunter

The Aaronic Priesthood Until the Time of the Savior

• APRIL 2016
• THE PRIESTHOOD: A SURE ANCHOR

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The Priesthood: A Sure Anchor

By Elder L. Tom Perry (1922–2015)

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

This article was prepared by Elder L. Tom Perry on May 28, 2015, two days before his passing, to be shared with young priesthood holders.

The priesthood has always existed. Before Adam came to earth, he had the priesthood. As Adam’s posterity scattered with the priesthood, it became necessary to organize how the priesthood was administered. The Lord did that by calling Abraham to preside over his family of priesthood holders. This organization continued under Isaac and Jacob, whose name was later changed to Israel.

Centuries later, the children of Israel found themselves in captivity. The Lord sent Moses to deliver them, but when he did, they proved themselves not ready as a people for the Melchizedek Priesthood. So they were left with the Aaronic Priesthood until the time of the Savior.

I find it very interesting what the Savior did first as He began His ministry. He organized the Melchizedek Priesthood. He called twelve Apostles and taught them the laws and order of the priesthood. He called Peter to be the chief Apostle, establishing a line of authority in His Church. In that day and this, it is Jesus Christ who selects His chief Apostle to preside over the Church, and it is the Savior who directs him in his priesthood duties.

When Obedience Ceases to be an Irritant

“When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power.”

Ezra Taft Benson, in Donald L. Staheli, “Obedience—Life’s Great Challenge,” Ensign, May 1998, 82.