Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness

By Bradley R. Wilcox

Second Counselor in the Young Men General Presidency

Some mistakenly receive the message that they are not worthy to participate fully in the gospel because they are not completely free of bad habits. God’s message is that worthiness is not flawlessness.¹¹ Worthiness is being honest and trying. We must be honest with God, priesthood leaders, and others who love us,¹² and we must strive to keep God’s commandments and never give up just because we slip up.¹³ Elder Bruce C. Hafen said that developing a Christlike character “requires patience and persistence more than it requires flawlessness.”....

One young man I’ll call Damon wrote: “Growing up, I struggled with pornography. I always felt so ashamed that I could not get things right.” Each time Damon slipped, the pain of regret became so intense, he harshly judged himself to be unworthy of any kind of grace, forgiveness, or additional chances from God. He said: “I decided I just deserved to feel terrible all the time. I figured God probably hated me because I wasn’t willing to work harder and get on top of this once and for all. I would go a week and sometimes even a month, but then I would relapse and think, ‘I’ll never be good enough, so what’s the use of even trying?’”

At one such low moment, Damon said to his priesthood leader: “Maybe I should just stop coming to church. I’m sick of being a hypocrite.”

His leader responded: “You’re not a hypocrite because you have a bad habit you are trying to break. You are a hypocrite if you hide it, lie about it, or try to convince yourself the Church has the problem for maintaining such high standards. Being honest about your actions and taking steps to move forward is not being a hypocrite. It is being a disciple.”¹⁶ This leader quoted Elder Richard G. Scott, who taught: “The Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. … When the Lord speaks of weaknesses, it is always with mercy.”...

Damon said: “The only time I had turned to God in the past was to ask for forgiveness, but now I also asked for grace—His ‘enabling power’ [Bible Dictionary, “Grace”]. I had never done that before. These days I spend a lot less time hating myself for what I have done and a lot more time loving Jesus for what He has done.”...

Instead, they started with small, reachable goals. They got rid of the all-or-nothing expectations and focused on incremental growth, which allowed Damon to build on a series of successes instead of failures....

Elder D. Todd Christofferson has counseled: “To deal with something [very] big, we may need to work at it in small, daily bites. … Incorporating new and wholesome habits into our character or overcoming bad habits or addictions [most] often means an effort today followed by another tomorrow and then another, perhaps for many days, even months and years. … But we can do it because we can appeal to God … for the help we need each day.”...

Remember change is possible, repentance is a process, and worthiness is not flawlessness....

Some mistakenly receive the message that God is waiting to help until after we repent. God’s message is that He will help us as we repent. His grace is available to us “no matter where we are in the path of obedience.”²³ Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf has said: “God does not need people who are flawless. He seeks those who will offer their ‘heart and a willing mind’ [Doctrine and Covenants 64:34], and He will make them ‘perfect in Christ’ [Moroni 10:32–33].”...

His grace is not just a prize for the worthy. It is the “divine assistance” He gives that helps us become worthy. It is not just a reward for the righteous. It is the “endowment of strength” He gives that helps us become righteous.²⁷ We are not just walking toward God and Christ. We are walking with Them....

I promise those blessings and that joy are real and within reach for those who keep all the commandments and “him that seeketh so to do.”²⁹ When you feel like you have failed too many times to keep trying, remember Christ’s Atonement and the grace it makes possible are real.³⁰ “[His] arm of mercy is extended towards you.”³¹ You are loved—today, in 20 years, and forever.