Healing from Relationship Trauma

By Family Services Staff

2. Turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for Healing

Through Heavenly Father’s plan, Jesus Christ has the power to heal all wounds, no matter how deep. The process of healing is difficult and may take time. In our hurt, we may even become angry with Heavenly Father. While we may not feel like turning to Him, He has sent His Son, Jesus Christ, the Master Healer. Through the Savior’s Atonement, we can be healed over time.

Sometimes we may believe we need immediate relief, but healing is a process. Elaine S. Marshall, PhD, shared: “Healing hurts. … Healing really begins only when we face the hurt in its full force and then grow through it with all the strength of our soul. For every reward of learning and growing, some degree of pain is always the price.”³

When we heal through Jesus Christ, we grow, build healthy relationships, and seek support from others, including professional help.

As we seek to heal, we need our Father in Heaven. Elder Richard G. Scott (1928–2015) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “The most direct and often the most powerful way [to access the Savior’s help] is through humble, trusting prayers to your Father in Heaven, which are answered through the Holy Ghost to your spirit.”⁴

In praying, we can honestly and humbly express all our hurt and the impact it has had on our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As you pray, watch for the comforting and enlightening power Heavenly Father sends through the Holy Ghost. The hurt may not go away, but you can feel comforted and strengthened....

Build within a Circle of Trust

We can learn to heal by building trust in our relationships generally. As we find those who can hold our vulnerability and be soft with our feelings, we can learn to build healthy relationships little by little. When we feel like someone is harming us, we can set appropriate boundaries, including keeping them at a distance if necessary and, when safe to do so, telling them that their behavior is not appropriate and hurts us.

As we seek to build healthy relationships step by step, we can use the concept of a boundaries target to help us recognize and set appropriate boundaries. In the outer levels of the target, we can place the people we hold at an emotional, and perhaps physical, distance. These might include strangers or those who have caused us harm. As we move toward the center of the circle, we may trust others with some non-vulnerable information, such as basic facts. In the innermost circles, we may choose to share more information and increase vulnerability.

As we seek to build trust, we can be intentional about how we feel someone fits into our target of vulnerability at a given time and how much to share with them. If someone harms us, we can move him or her away. As we learn to trust a person, we can move him or her closer. Making conscious efforts to allow more people into our circle of trust over time can help us grow and heal.

You can also find additional information in these resources:

• Counseling Resources, ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

• Life Help topics, ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

• David A. Bednar, “Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease,” Liahona, May 2014, 87–90.

• Richard G. Scott, “Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse,” Ensign, May 1992, 31–33.

• James E. Faust, “The Healing Power of Forgiveness,” Liahona, May 2007, 67–69.

• Carole M. Stephens, “The Master Healer,” Liahona, Nov. 2016, 9–12.

• “Can I Build Safe, Healthy Relationships?,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

• Justin K. McPheters and Rebecca M. Taylor, “Is Therapy Right for Me?” (digital-only article), Ensign, Feb. 2020, ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

• Nanon Talley, “Recognizing Emotional Abuse” (digital-only article), Liahona, Oct. 2020, ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

• Nanon Talley, “A Bridge to Hope and Healing,” Liahona, Apr. 2017, 22–27.