Forgiving Others

Forgiving Others: Misconceptions and Tips

By Elizabeth Lloyd Lund

April 2018 Ensign

Forgiveness means pardoning an offense. To forgive, we must first acknowledge that what happened was wrong and caused pain. We pardon the fault because we too are imperfect. We turn the judgment over to God and allow Him to relieve the burden.

Forgiveness and trust are two different things. We can forgive without developing a trusting relationship. If someone continually hurts us, God commands us to forgive, but we are also responsible to set boundaries to keep ourselves safe.

“The Savior asks us to forsake and combat evil in all its forms, and although we must forgive a neighbor who injures us, we should still work constructively to prevent that injury from being repeated.”4—Elder David E. Sorensen

The atoning power of the Savior is available to each of us. As we access that power, we become more empathetic toward others and understanding of each other’s faults.

Once you have forgiven and you have accepted peace into your life, thoughts of the hurt may occasionally return. When this happens, don’t let Satan convince you that you haven’t forgiven. Recognize that you have forgiven, say it aloud to yourself, and let the memory go.

“The Savior’s Atonement is not just for those who need to repent; it is also for those who need to forgive. If you are having trouble forgiving another person or even yourself, ask God to help you. Forgiveness is a glorious, healing principle.”7—Elder Kevin R. Duncan

Exclamation Marks After Prophet's Statements

In 1982, two years before being called as a General Authority, Brother Russell M. Nelson said: “I never ask myself, ‘When does the prophet speak as a prophet and when does he not?’ My interest has been, ‘How can I be more like him?’” And he added, “My [philosophy is to] stop putting question marks behind the prophet’s statements and put exclamation points instead.”

Russell M. Nelson, in Lane Johnson, “Russell M. Nelson: A Study in Obedience,”Ensign, Aug. 1982, 24; Tambuli, Jan. 1983, 26.

Countless Second Chances

Until Seventy Times Seven

By Elder Lynn G. Robbins

Of the Presidency of the Seventy

April 2018 Conference

We may wonder—if both Nephi and Moses were on the Lord’s errand, why didn’t the Lord intervene and help them achieve success on their first try? Why did He allow them—and why does He allow us—to flounder and fail in our attempts to succeed? Among many important answers to that question, here are a few:

• First, the Lord knows that “these things shall give [us] experience, and shall be for [our] good.”4
• Second, to allow us to “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good.”5
• Third, to prove that “the battle is the Lord’s,”6 and it is only by His grace that we can accomplish His work and become like Him.7
• Fourth, to help us develop and hone scores of Christlike attributes that cannot be refined except through opposition8 and “in the furnace of affliction.”

No one is more on our side than the Savior. He allows us to take and keep retaking His exams. To become like Him will require countless second chances in our day-to-day struggles with the natural man, such as controlling appetites, learning patience and forgiveness, overcoming slothfulness, and avoiding sins of omission, just to name a few. If to err is human nature, how many failures will it take us until our nature is no longer human but divine? Thousands? More likely a million....

Only with time-lapse photography or growth charts can we discern our physical growth. Likewise, our spiritual growth is usually imperceptible except through the rearview lens of time. It would be wise to regularly take an introspective look through that lens to recognize our progress and inspire us to “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.”

Put God’s Laws First

“The word religion literally means … ‘to tie back’ to God. The question we might ask ourselves is, are we securely tied to God so that our faith shows, or are we actually tied to something else? … Many put other priorities ahead of God. … God’s laws must ever be our standard. In dealing with controversial issues, we should first search for God’s guidance. …

“The temptation to be popular may prioritize public opinion above the word of God. … Even if ‘everyone is doing it,’ wrong is never right. … I pray that you will be securely tied back to God, that His eternal truths will be etched on your heart forever.”

Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Let Your Faith Show,” Ensign, May 2014, 29, 30, 31.

Difficult Days of Young Mothers

Am I a Child of God?

By Elder Brian K. Taylor

Of the Seventy

April 2018 Conference

As we follow the examples of the Savior and the Prophet Joseph in earnestly seeking God, we will come to understand in a very real way, as Jen did, that our Father knows us by name, that we are His children.

To mothers, especially young mothers, who often feel overwhelmed and underwater while striving to raise “a sin-resistant generation,”23 never underestimate your central role in God’s plan. In stressful moments—perhaps when you are chasing little ones and a charred smell from the kitchen informs you that your lovingly prepared dinner is now a burnt offering—know that God sanctifies your most difficult days....

When you feel hurt, lost, scared, upset, sad, hungry, or hopelessly abandoned in life’s extremities31—open the Book of Mormon, and you will come to know that “[God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not His character [to do so].”

Happier Lives

President Monson taught: “When we keep the commandments, our lives will be happier, more fulfilling, and less complicated. Our challenges and problems will be easier to bear, and we will receive [God’s] promised blessings.”8 He also said, “The knowledge which we seek, the answers for which we yearn, and the strength which we desire today to meet the challenges of a complex and changing world can be ours when we willingly obey the Lord’s commandments.”

1. Thomas S. Monson, “Keep the Commandments,” Ensign, Nov. 2015, 83.
2. Thomas S. Monson, “Obedience Brings Blessings,” Ensign,May 2013, 92.

Long-Sustained Effort for Happiness

Research shows that happiness is not the result of bouncing from one experience to the next. Instead, achieving happiness typically involves a long-sustained effort for something more important in life. Happiness is determined by habits, behaviors, and thought patterns that we can directly address with intentional action. Much of our happiness is actually “under personal control.”

Paths to True Happiness

By Elder Ulisses Soares

Of the Presidency of the Seventy

From a commencement address, “Paths for Happiness,” given at Brigham Young University–Hawaii on June 8, 2017. For the full address, go to devotional.byuh.edu/archive.

Desire and Work at Forgiving

Even as Christ Forgives You, So Also Do Ye

By Elder Larry J. Echo Hawk

Of the Seventy

April 2018 Conference 

Brothers and sisters, are there people in our lives who have hurt us? Do we harbor what seem like fully justified feelings of resentment and anger? Are we letting pride keep us from forgiving and letting go? I invite all of us to forgive completely and let healing occur from within. And even if forgiveness doesn’t come today, know that as we desire it and work for it, it will come—just as it eventually did for me after my brother’s death.

Unity to be Like the Savior

With One Accord

By Reyna I. Aburto

Second Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency

April 2018 conference

We can suppose that the reason why they were so united is because they knew the Lord personally. They had been close to Him, and they had been witnesses of His divine mission, of the miracles that He performed, and of His Resurrection. They saw and touched the marks in His hands and feet. They knew with certainty that He was the promised Messiah, the Redeemer of the world. They knew that “He is the source of all healing, peace, and eternal progress.”14

Even though we may not have seen our Savior with our physical eyes, we can know that He lives. As we draw closer to Him, as we seek to receive a personal witness through the Holy Ghost of His divine mission, we will have a better understanding of our purpose; the love of God will dwell in our hearts;15 we will have the determination to be one in the kaleidoscopes of our families, wards, and communities; and we will minister to each other “in newer, better ways.”...

The Lord is now giving us the opportunity to counsel together each month in our priesthood quorums and Relief Societies, so we can all be more active participants in our ward or branch kaleidoscope—a place where we all fit in and where we are all needed.

Every one of our paths is different, yet we walk them together. Our path is not about what we have done or where we have been; it is about where we are going and what we are becoming, in unity. When we counsel together guided by the Holy Ghost, we can see where we are and where we need to be. The Holy Ghost gives us a vision that our natural eyes cannot see, because “revelation is scattered among us,”18 and when we put that revelation together, we can see more.

Look Heavenward

Look Heavenward

“Looking heavenward should be our lifelong endeavor. Some foolish persons turn their backs on the wisdom of God and follow the allurement of fickle fashion, the attraction of false popularity, and the thrill of the moment. Their course of conduct resembles the disastrous experience of Esau, who exchanged his birthright for a mess of pottage.

“And what are the results of such action? I testify to you today that turning away from God brings broken covenants, shattered dreams, and crushed hopes. Such a quagmire of quicksand I plead with you to avoid. You are of a noble birthright. Eternal life in the kingdom of our Father is your goal.

“Such a goal is not achieved in one glorious attempt, but rather is the result of a lifetime of righteousness, an accumulation of wise choices, even a constancy of purpose and lofty ideals.

“Amidst the confusion of our age, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives.”

President Thomas S. Monson, “Guideposts for Life’s Journey” (Brigham Young University devotional address, Nov. 13, 2007), 3, speeches.byu.edu.

Look Up Not Sideways

Look Up

By Elder Carl B. Cook

Of the Seventy

Jan 2012 Ensign

As a young man I was called to serve a mission in Hamburg, Germany. At the Language Training Mission—the predecessor to today’s missionary training center—I struggled to learn the language. As the first and then the second week passed, I noticed that the others in my district were progressing much faster than I was. While they were advancing to complex concepts, my dies, ders, and dases were a disaster.

I started to become concerned—and discouraged. How could I serve a successful mission if I couldn’t communicate with the people I was called to teach?

I prayed for help and sought a priesthood blessing, which provided some reassurance. But I continued to search and struggle, and one day I felt more uptight and worried than ever. As my companion and I walked down the hallway, I stopped at a small janitor’s closet. I asked my companion to wait for me for a moment. I slipped into that tiny room and knelt down on a mop. I began to plead with Heavenly Father for some relief.

The Lord answered that prayer. I felt this thought come into my mind: “I never called you to master the German language. I just called you to serve with all of your heart, mind, and strength.”

I immediately thought, “I can do that. I can serve with all of my heart, mind, and strength. If that’s what the Lord has called me to do, I can do that.” I stood up feeling tremendously relieved.

From that point on, my measuring stick changed. I no longer gauged my progress and success against that of my companion or other members of my district. Instead, I focused on how the Lord felt I was doing. Instead of looking to the side to compare myself to others, I began to look up, so to speak, to know what He thought of my efforts....

Whenever I have been asked to do something where the expectations seem greater than what I have the capacity to do, I remember that experience and say to myself, “Wait. Who called you? Who are you serving? Who are you trying to please?”...

We might base our sense of self-worth on how many friends are writing on our wall on social networking sites....

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to please others, but we can’t trust such external measurements; the world can be too quick both to praise and to criticize.

I think the challenge for all of us—but perhaps particularly for young adults—is to try not to look sideways to see how others are viewing our lives but to look up to see how Heavenly Father sees us....

 Make good choices using your best judgment and move forward with your life. We’re blessed as we make choices. Don’t be afraid to make choices because you are afraid of making mistakes. Don’t be afraid to try new things....

Meekness

Meek and Lowly of Heart

By Elder David A. Bednar

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

April 2018

Meekness is strong, not weak; active, not passive; courageous, not timid; restrained, not excessive; modest, not self-aggrandizing; and gracious, not brash. A meek person is not easily provoked, pretentious, or overbearing and readily acknowledges the accomplishments of others.

Whereas humility generally denotes dependence upon God and the constant need for His guidance and support, a distinguishing characteristic of meekness is a particular spiritual receptivity to learning both from the Holy Ghost and from people who may seem less capable, experienced, or educated, who may not hold important positions, or who otherwise may not appear to have much to contribute. ...

Meekness is an attribute developed through desire, the righteous exercise of moral agency, and striving always to retain a remission of our sins.

Minister as the Savior Did

Ministering as the Savior Does

By Jean B. Bingham

Relief Society General President

April 2018

Sometimes we think we have to do something grand and heroic to “count” as serving our neighbors. Yet simple acts of service can have profound effects on others—as well as on ourselves. What did the Savior do? Through His supernal gifts of the Atonement and Resurrection—which we celebrate on this beautiful Easter Sunday—“none other has had so profound an influence [on] all who have lived and who will yet live upon the earth.”4 But He also smiled at, talked with, walked with, listened to, made time for, encouraged, taught, fed, and forgave. He served family and friends, neighbors and strangers alike, and He invited acquaintances and loved ones to enjoy the rich blessings of His gospel. Those “simple” acts of service and love provide a template for our ministering today....

No matter our age, when we consider how to minister most effectively, we ask, “What does she [or he] need?” Coupling that question with a sincere desire to serve, we are then led by the Spirit to do what would lift and strengthen the individual. ....

Single parents, new converts, less-active members, widows and widowers, or struggling youth may need extra attention and priority help from ministering brothers and sisters. ...

When our hearts are open and willing to love and include, encourage and comfort, the power of our ministering will be irresistible. With love as the motivation, miracles will happen, and we will find ways to bring our “missing” sisters and brothers into the all-inclusive embrace of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Increasing Percentages

Often we spend great effort in trying to increase the activity levels in our stakes. We work diligently to raise the percentages of those attending sacrament meetings. We labor to get a higher percentage of our young men on missions. We strive to improve the numbers of those marrying in the temple. All of these are commendable efforts and important to the growth of the kingdom. But when individual members and families immerse themselves in the scriptures regularly and consistently, these other areas of activity will automatically come. Testimonies will increase. Commitment will be strengthened. Families will be fortified. Personal revelation will flow.

Ezra Taft Benson, "The Power of the Word," Ensign, May 1986, 81. 

How can I Maintain a Spirit of Gratitude, even in Times of Trial?

“We can choose to be grateful, no matter what. This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer. When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. . . . In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace. . . . How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain? Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. This is not gratitude of the lips but of the soul.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Grateful in Any Circumstance,” Ensign, May 2014, 75, 76.

Precious Gifts from God

By President M. Russell Ballard

Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

If we have faith as small as a mustard seed, the Lord can help us remove the mountains of discouragement and doubt in the tasks ahead of us as we serve with God’s children, including family members, Church members, and those who are not yet members of the Church....

If we do not find time to unplug, we may miss opportunities to hear the voice of Him who said, “Be still, and know that I am God.”8 Now, there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of the advances in the technologies inspired by the Lord, but we must be wise in their use. Remember the gift of the Sabbath day.

The blessing of receiving the sacrament in sacrament meeting must never become routine or just something we do. It is only 70 minutes in a whole week when we can pause and find more peace, joy, and happiness in our lives....

Church members—both men and women—should not hesitate, if they desire, to run for public office at any level of government wherever they live. Our voices are essential today and important in our schools, our cities, and our countries. Where democracy exists, it is our duty as members to vote for honorable men and women who are willing to serve.

Becoming Christlike Takes a Lifetime

 “We must be careful, as we seek to become more and more [Christlike], that we do not become discouraged and lose hope. Becoming Christlike is a lifetime pursuit and very often involves growth and change that is slow, almost imperceptible.”

Ezra Taft Benson, “A Mighty Change of Heart,” Tambuli, Mar. 1990, 7; Ensign, Oct. 1989, 5.

Carefully Select the Resolutions We Make

“As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally to make commitments for keeping them and not letting any obstacle stop us. Let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day.”

N. Eldon Tanner, “Today I Will … ,” Liahona, Mar. 2003, 27–28; “Just for Today,” New Era, Jan. 1975, 5.

Harmony in Marriage

 “Harmony in marriage comes only when one esteems the welfare of his or her spouse among the highest of priorities. When that really happens, a celestial marriage becomes a reality, bringing great joy in this life and in the life to come” (Russell M. Nelson, “Celestial Marriage,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 94).

Friendship

“Reach out to those you do not know and greet them warmly. Each Sunday extend a hand of fellowship to at least one person you did not know before. Each day of your life, strive to enlarge your own circle of friendship” 

(Russell M. Nelson, “Be Thou an Example of the Believers,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 48).

Ministering

“Be With and Strengthen Them”

By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

 In addition to whatever schedule you establish for actual visits, that calendar can be supplemented with telephone calls, written notes, texts, emails, video chats, conversations at Church meetings, shared service projects, social activities, and a host of possibilities in the world of social media....with these adjustments we want more care and concern, not less....

However, I warn you, a new name, new flexibility, and fewer reports won’t make an ounce of difference in our service unless we see this as an invitation to care for one another in a bold, new, holier way, as President Nelson has just said.

Daily Bread

• JANUARY 2012
• RECOGNIZING GOD’S HAND IN OUR DAILY BLESSINGS

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Recognizing God’s Hand in Our Daily Blessings

By Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

From a Church Educational System fireside address given on January 9, 2011. For the full text in English, visit speeches.byu.edu.

Jesus teaches us, His disciples, that we should look to God each day for the bread—the help and sustenance—we require that particular day. ...

 Likewise, as we plead with God for our daily bread—for help in the moment that we cannot provide for ourselves—we must still be active in doing and providing that which is within our power....

The fact that I was forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years taught me how to truly pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a practical way to have faith in God....

Asking God for our daily bread rather than our weekly, monthly, or yearly bread is also a way for us to focus on the smaller, more manageable bits of a problem. ...

Incorporating new and wholesome habits into our character or overcoming bad habits or addictions often means an effort today followed by another tomorrow and then another, perhaps for many days, even months and years, until we achieve victory. But we can do it because we can appeal to God for our daily bread, for the help we need each day....

Experience teaches that in a marriage, for example, a steady stream of simple kindnesses, help, and attention do much more to keep love alive and nurture a relationship than an occasional grand or expensive gesture....

As you retire to bed, think about the successes and failures of the day and what will make the next day a little better. And thank your Heavenly Father for the manna He has placed along your path that sustained you through the day.

Preparing for Conference

• MARCH 2018
• THE WORD OF GOD TO HIS CHILDREN

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FIRST PRESIDENCY MESSAGE

The Word of God to His Children

By President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Second Counselor in the First Presidency

I give you my personal witness that long before a speaker in general conference makes that long walk to the podium, he or she has invested immense effort, prayer, and study in response to the assignment to speak. Every conference message represents countless hours of preparation and heartfelt pleading to understand what the Lord wishes His Saints to hear.

What might happen if we as listeners matched the speakers’ preparation with our own? How might our approach to general conference be different if we saw conference as an opportunity to receive messages from the Lord Himself? Through the words and music of general conference, we can expect to receive personalized answers to whatever questions or problems we might be facing.

Eating the Flesh and Drinking the Blood

The Living Bread Which Came Down from Heaven

By Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

To eat His flesh and drink His blood is a striking way of expressing how completely we must bring the Savior into our life—into our very being—that we may be one. How does this happen?...

Clearly, then, we partake of His flesh and drink His blood when we receive from Him the power and blessings of His Atonement....

But figuratively eating His flesh and drinking His blood has a further meaning, and that is to internalize the qualities and character of Christ, putting off the natural man and becoming Saints “through the atonement of Christ the Lord.”...

We cannot be content to remain as we are but must be moving constantly toward “the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.”...

To eat the flesh and drink the blood of Christ means to pursue holiness....

If we yearn to dwell in Christ and have Him dwell in us,23 then holiness is what we seek, in both body and spirit.24 We seek it in the temple, whereon is inscribed “Holiness to the Lord.” We seek it in our marriages, families, and homes. We seek it each week as we delight in the Lord’s holy day.25 We seek it even in the details of daily living: our speech, our dress, our thoughts. As President Thomas S. Monson has stated, “We are the product of all we read, all we view, all we hear and all we think.”26 We seek holiness as we take up our cross daily....

Partaking of the Savior’s flesh and drinking His blood means to put out of our lives anything inconsistent with a Christlike character and to make His attributes our own. ...

God will show us our flaws and failings, but He will also help us turn weakness into strength.